Love letter to the dead

So,I just finished this incredible book called 'Love letters to the dead',the debut novel of Ava Dellaira.This was so incredible and I actually finished it really fast,which I am sort of sorry for,because I really wanted to enjoy it for more,but it was so intense that I couldn't really stop reading it.I could get some more about how much I love this(so much that it got straight to my Top 5 favourite books of all time),but this is not the point of the post,since you can check my Goodreads review of the book and I will also have a video reviews of it(spoilerfree,because I am nice) on my youtube channel next week.Point is,Ava sort of encourages us to write our own love letters to the dead and post them with the hashtag "#MyLoveLetter",so I am doing that right now.

Dear Vincent Van Gogh,

I really thought about writing a letter to a female figure that I love,such as Jane Austen or Amelia Earhart or maybe Elizabeth Taylor or Audrey Hepburn or Mary Queen os Scotts or Queen Elizabeth the First or so on,but I thought that despite loving all these women and being a strong supporter of girl power,you are the historical figure that I probably feel closest too.I sort of love Winston Churchill or others like that as well,but they wouldn't get it,you know?You seem somehow more ... approachable.In a good way.You've been through so much that I think you could understand.

When I was little,I used to be so much into Leonardo Da Vinci's work,I enjoyed the warm colours and the round shapes and the entire Renaissance feel of it,but as I grew into something that is closer to who I am today,I started realising that it was not for me.I still enjoy it,I think his work is a masterpiece,I think he was a genius,but I don't see all the feelings in his work,you know?And that is the point of art,after all,not to be pretty,but to make you feel something.And yours does.

I didn't quite get your work all that much those days,but hey,what can you ask for a little kid?I think that you must go through some stuff in order to understand what you're hiding under all the shapes and colours.You can see the sadness coming through,if you look hard enough,but you can also see the effort put into trying to fix it,to hide it,to show the world as a better place,and I think that all this hope is what I admire most.

Even though you must've felt bullied in your time because of the bad feedback concerning your work,you should know that you are now considered one of the most talented painters of all times.They even have a museum with your name back in Amsterdam,where everything is about your art.Funny how people start listening when you're dead,huh?

I think that maybe you could've had a chance of finding peace of only you were born after the world actually came familiar with the term 'bipolar disorder',since we all suppose you had that,and weren't just the nuthead people considered you.Maybe then you would've given us some more paintings to make our world a little nicer.

I don't know.

You once said that 'To suffer without complaint is the only lesson we have to learn in this life."I am really sorry that you felt that way,maybe if someone had shown you that it's okay to speak up and share your feelings you would've had it better.I guess I had to learn this the hard way.It's not okay to keep everything inside you because,well,as this writer,Ava,said,it's like you're "exploding from the inside",which I came to realise is not exactly the same as imploding,because ... well,that's hard to explain,since you have like no knowledge of explosions and implosions,I guess.Anyway,point is,you can never really fight a struggle on your own,in any war you need armies,you need allies,you can't conquer the world by yourself,no matter if you are Napoleon Bonaparte,Vincent Van Gogh,or,well,me.I hope that I can someday help people realise that,I don't want them to be as lonely and sad as you were,despite the few good persons you had in your life.I'm sorry you had to struggle on your own and I am happy I made my life so that I never have to do that,not really.

I remember the thing they suppose you've said in the last letter to your brother (or something like that) as well.The sadness will last forever.I've had my mind set on that thing for so long that I was almost impossible to get out of my misery,but I think I finallt got to that point in my life where I am happy.Or maybe as I read in another book,'I am both happy and sad at the same time and I am still trying to figure out how that can be' or something among those lines.Of course I have my downs,and people don't like my tweets(which you probable have no idea about,unless you're like watching us from your cloud) or they don't like what I write or the pictures I take,but I think I don't really care anymore.I am fine with my life and I just hope that people would get the chance to re-do theirs as well.My Psychology teacher says that once people spend too much time with one attitude,they sort of fall into it forever.Like a plant taking roots.Maybe you just spend too much time in the shadow until the darkness got every single last piece of you(starting with the ear story,which was a serious cry for help,just when you realised you'd be left alone with your demons) and you couldn't get out.Maybe,just maybe,you needed someone to pull you out of the darkness,but didn't have anyone to do it.

If only you could see the way people describe your work now.There is this TV show I love,and it's been going on for about 50 years,and my favourite episode of the entire series is the one they dedicate to you.Yes,40 minutes all for Vincent Van Gogh,both the man and the artist(even though I think the two were only one for you).The beauty of the entire episode makes me cry every single time.

Know what they made you say? 

"Hold my hand, Doctor. Try to see what I see. We're so lucky we're still alive to see this beautiful world. Look at the sky. It's not dark and black and without character. The black is in fact deep blue. And over there! Lights are blue. And blue in through the blueness, and the blackness, the winds swirling through the air... and then shining. Burning, bursting through! The stars, can you see how they roll their light? Everywhere we look, complex magic of nature blazes before our eyes."

And I though it was truthful.And I thought it was beautiful.And I thought it was something that you would say.And then they wanted to make some of your pain go away.And they wanted to make your character feel loved.So they showed you what life is when people do see your talent is like.

Well. Um, big question, um, but to me, Van Gogh is the finest painter of them all. Certainly the most popular great painter of all time. The most beloved. His command of color, the most magnificent. He transformed the pain of his tormented life into ecstatic beauty. Pain is easy to portray but to use your passion and pain to portray the ecstasy and joy and magnificence of our world. No one had ever done it before. Perhaps no one ever will again. To my mind, that strange wild man who roamed the fields of Provence, was not only the world's greatest artist but also one of the greatest men who ever lived. 

So someone wrote that for you.And they think that way about you.And I think it is beautiful.It's sad how we can't appreciate something or someone until they're no longer here.I guess the absence of something is often required for us to realise who important its presence was.I wish one day people would look back and think that way about me.I wish that I could somehow leave my mark in the world like that.
And if I can't,it's okay.C'est la vie,I suppose.I just hope that you can find peace in the afterlife,or heaven,or Great Perhaps or whatever lies beyond,because you couldn't find it on the earth,and it's a shame for someone as incredible as you to never find inner peace.
I hope you now know you mattered.
I hope I will matter that much to someone as much so that they talk about me as much to one of their teachers I do about you.My literature teacher was surprised to find out that I even celebrated your birthday this year by lighting a candle for you,and watching this episode,and thinking about the impact you've had on my life even though we never really met.
Anyway.This was my letter.Stay great.
Love,
Gabriella